Today I’m reviewing an old favourite book: Confessions of a Failed Southern Lady by Florence King.
Over 25 years old, it’s as laugh-out-loud funny as it was the day I first tried to stifle my guffaws reading it on the train. I decided to review it here when it fell off a bookshelf onto my head a couple of days ago. I thought this must be a sign.
In telling you what the book’s about, I can do no better than quote one of the Amazon reviews:
This is Florence King’s highly coloured, unique perspective on growing up in the Deep South of America with an English bibliophile for a father, a tomboy chain smoker for a mother and a grandmother obsessed with women’s gynaecology and turning her one grandchild into the epitome of the Southern Lady. Growing up with this kind of pressure in 1950′s America and finding out that you are bisexual and highly sexed is not an easy gig…
Miss King (I do not feel I can refer to her either as Florence or as Ms King) is a self-described misanthrope and political conservative. She takes no prisoners. Her writing is vivid, witty, intelligent and in places very touching, without a trace of sentimentality.
Like me, she was a somewhat serious and introverted child, in the company only of adults until her first day at kindergarten:
I wasn’t used to children and they were getting on my nerves. Worse, it appeared that I was a child, too. I hadn’t known that before; I thought I was just short.
Full of family arguments about “whether nervous breakdowns are more feminine than female trouble”, the book explores the concept of femininity brilliantly. Miss King’s grandmother, a grande dame of Southern genealogy, has failed to instil in her own daughter any rudiments of femininity and so pounces fiercely on the opportunity to do so with her granddaughter.
And so, accompanied by a magnificent cast of supporting characters of all ages, we follow our heroine through kindergarten, school, college and her first days as a writer. And we know that to some extent at least the femininity propaganda has had its effect:
No matter which sex I went to bed with, I never smoked on the street.
This reminds me of a famous quote by Tallulah Bankhead, “My father warned me about men and liquour, he didn’t say anything about women and cocaine.”
She was from Alabama and her family definitely expected ladylike behaviour from her, with mixed results!
This looks like a book I’d enjoy, thanks for the recommendation!
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Hope you enjoy it Em. I love Tallulah Bankhead. Another of her quotes I enjoy: The only thing I regret about my past is the length of it. If I had to live my life again I’d make all the same mistakes – only sooner.
Although the South I’m in (Tx) is not quite as deep as those parts further east, I can “ya’ll” with the best of them. I was brought up to to say “please” and “thankyou,” to “sir” and “m’am,” and to this day have difficulty addressing the parents of my childhood friends by their first names, even when they request it. My dad’s maternal grandmother’s family apparently suffered a severe reversal of fortune as a result of our Civil War — an all too common situation, unfortunately. Her family’s former status was evident in that she was cared for as a child by a black “mammy” — who was quite possibly a slave (at least until 1864)– family history is not clear on that point. However, her family considered itself “genteel” despite their reduced circumstances, and she had some rather pronounced views on what was and wasn’t acceptable behavior, especially for females. (She was always referred to and addressed as “grandmither” by her grandchildren.)
I am not the “hair ribbons and lace petticoats” type. My mom tried for most of my minority to make a ‘girly-girl’ out of her tomboy of a daughter. (I suspect I would have made a good pioneer woman.) However, to my mind being a “lady” implies a certain code of conduct beneath the veneer of “raised pinkie” behaviors. It’s not about how you act, what you do or don’t do, it’s who you are. Real ladies are born, not made (rather like the princes in ‘The Princess and the Pea’). Truth to tell, this tomboy may not always act like a lady, but I always try to be a gentleman.
WOL recently posted..Now’s Your Chance
This is so interesting WOL – and gentlemanly behaviour is splendid.
Wow. One of the things that pops to mind is: how unusual to be bisexual/highly sexed AND a political conservative. It seems that the latter would make the former a much unhappier situation than it might otherwise be, i.e. all that judgment! Though of course, people often pick and choose which elements of a political party they will cotton to. I keep thinking, though, she’d be rejected by those of her political persuasion (due to her sexuality). And I imagine that would be unhappy and lonely.
Am I a lady? Well, I’m feminine. At the same time, I’ve always been athletic and outdoorsy. My ‘short’ young neighbors think I’m stronger than their dad, because I keep picking them up and swinging them around. Very fun; I’ve never understood why this isn’t a more common practice among other adults who have playful and conveniently short neighbors.
I grew up in Southern California, but went to a liberal-arts college in North Carolina (the medium-deep South). There was a cultural clash that I sailed through rather obliviously. My most memorable remark from a fellow student happened one hot, muggy day in early fall. A guy was walking several paces behind me and didn’t realize I could hear him. “She ain’t wearin’ no bra,” he muttered to his friend. I’ve sometimes wished I’d turned around and remarked, “And you don’t speak no queen’s English.”
Am I a lady? All in all, I would say . . . I’m half a lady.
Half a lady eh? Well that’s a fine thing!
Oh! I remember reading this book for the first time. I laughed so much. And, I was so shocked! having grown up in the deep south, with a Southern Baptist heritage, and read this book when it was first published — well, I was a young naive thing and King was part of my education. Loved it.
Hi Helena, glad to hear from someone who’s read it!